You can find this common ground in many different ways.  You may have some of the same physical characteristics which can form the basis of getting to know each other better.  You may have common interests.  These are natural ways of building rapport.

If you don’t have this natural rapport, you can use the synchronization technique until you do find those common interests and can build a more natural rapport.

Also be aware of the attitude you are projecting when you are establishing rapport.  It is very difficult to hide your attitude.

For the next few days, look for people having conversations.  Restaurants are great places to do this. See if you can tell if the people having the conversation are synchronized or not.  Do they seem to enjoy each others’ company?  How can you tell?

It is amazing how much you can tell about people just by noticing their body language!

Synchronization is a little like copying.  But it is subtle and often happens automatically.  You may have seen synchronization when two friends are talking.

Peaches and her friend Persimmon were talking at the kitchen table.  They were both very engrossed in their conversation about 18th century French literature.  Both of them were leaning forward in their seats with their arms folded on the table.  Peaches brushed her hair back from her face.  A few moments later, Persimmon brushed the hair from her face.

Persimmon made a particularly interesting point about Rousseau and sat back in her chair and crossed her legs.  A few moments later, Peaches sat back in her chair and crossed her legs.

Peaches and Persimmon are synchronized.  Their energies are matching each other in their conversation and their movements and actions are automatically matching also.

Have you ever found yourself copying someone without thinking about it or found someone copying you?  It is not really that you were copying him or her, you were just synchronized.

Having the same motions, stance, and tone of voice is another way the people feel alike.

If you are having trouble having a natural rapport with someone, you can try synchronizing their motions or tone of voice without being too obvious about it.  Even breathing at the same pace can help with synchronization.

You are not trying to be someone else; you are just trying to use synchronization to build a good rapport, get “in sync” with the other person, and get the relationship off to a good start.

Remember: People like people who are like themselves.

Natural rapport is when someone recognizes you as someone who is like them.

Physical characteristics are an obvious way that you can be like someone else. Maybe you have the same skin, hair, or eye color. Maybe you are both girls about the same age. Maybe you are wearing the same purple pants with pink polka dots.

But, there are many ways people are alike.

People can enjoy the same books, music, or games. They may have the same belief system through a church or other organization. They may live in the same neighborhood. They may have the same hobbies, such as knitting, model building, or speaking Swahili.

In what ways are you like your friends?

Really, people are all the same. We all are sad when we are hurt and happy when we are loved. But it is easier to build rapport when you find something specific in common.

What are some of the things you enjoy that you would like to share with a friend?