A few weeks ago we discussed the basic human needs we all share and how our feelings let us know if we are getting our needs met (positive feelings) or not (negative feelings).

Have you ever been in a bad mood and did not know why?  This is very common because very few of us ever figure out what it is we really need. 

Sometimes we know we want something but don’t know exactly what it is. 

Have you ever known that you want something to eat but don’t know exactly what?  You may stand in front of the pantry or the refrigerator just staring.  You can spend a long time staring at the shelves and still walk away unsatisfied.  But if you figure out ahead of time what you want, you go to the kitchen and get what you want quickly.

Take the time to identify your feeling and identify the need behind it.  That way, you are much more likely to have your need met.  And when you make a request of someone else, you know exactly what you want.

Everyone has the needs we discussed last week. And most of our time is spent trying to get those needs met.

When having a conversation, you can listen for the feelings being expressed. Once you have identified the feeling, see if you can determine the need the other person is trying to meet.

By truly listening and being present, you may be fulfilling someone’s need for friendship, acceptance, or respect.

Try it this week.

Physical Needs – food, water, breathing, shelter – These will probably be taken care of outside of your conversation.

Safety Needs – physical and financial safety; safe from accidents or illness – If you threaten or criticize the other person, they may go into a defensive mode and be concerned about their safety.  But if you are accepting, you can help meet their needs for safety.

Belonging Needs – friendships, family, and other relationships – You can really help fulfill belonging needs during a conversation, especially if you initiate and help the other person be part of the group.

Esteem Needs – being accepted, valued, and respected by others – Esteem Needs can definitely be met in conversation.

Self-Actualization Needs – realize your potential and do what you were “born to do” – Encouragement and maybe even working together to create something can help fulfill self-actualization needs.

Psychologist Abraham Maslow came up with his Hierarchy of Needs which you can see in the illustration below.

He hypothesized that our needs start at the bottom of the triangle and move up. Once the needs at the bottom of the triangle are met, then we can start meeting the needs on the next tier of the triangle. When all of our needs are met, we are then a happy, healthy human being.

Starting at the bottom of the triangle are physiological needs. These are physical needs we must have in order to survive. These include food, water, breathing, and shelter.

According to Maslow, once our physical needs are met, then we can look at our need to feel safe. These include the need to know that you are physically safe, financially safe as well as safe from accidents or illness.

After safety needs is the need to belong. Belonging can include friendships, family, and other relationships.

After belonging needs are esteem needs. These needs include the feelings of being accepted, valued, and respected by others.

Our final needs to make us a happy, healthy human being, according to Maslow, are self-actualization needs. This is the need to realize your potential and do what you were “born to do.”