1) When the waitress brings your drinks, say…

A) “Thank you.”

B) “About time!”

2) If you didn’t understand what someone said, say…

A) “Excuse me?”

B) “What?  What?  I can’t hear a word you’re saying.”

3) If someone gives you a compliment, respond with…

A) “Thank you.”

B) “Don’t I know it!”

4) If you walk in front of someone, say…

A) “Excuse me.”

B) “You’re in my way.”

5) If someone thanks you for doing something nice, respond with…

A) “You’re welcome.”

B) “Well, you can be sure it won’t happen again.”

Obviously, if you picked “A” for each answer, you are correct.  If you picked “B” for any of the answers, you may need to review this whole manners section again!  Thank you for playing.

Good sportsmanship is about playing by the rules (even if you are losing), respecting the other team and the officials, and being gracious whether you win or lose.

Good sportsmanship when you lose:

It doesn’t feel good to lose.  It can be disappointing and maybe even embarrassing.  But try to keep the game in perspective.  The ultimate purpose of games and sports is to have fun.  There will be winners and losers, but at the end of the day, everyone will go back to life a usual. 

Good sportsmanship when you win:

It is easy to be happy when you win.  But take into consideration the loser’s feelings.  While on the inside you may be jumping up and down and doing a victory dance, let the loser feel respected by not flaunting your win.  Ultimately, relationships are more important than wins or losses.

As a parent, I can tell you that there are many times I have had to say, “No” to my children but did not feel it appropriate to explain the reason why at the moment.  My reason may have hurt a hostesses feelings or may have been an inappropriate subject to talk about in public.

What I truly appreciate in that moment is when my children accept my “No” and move on.  Later, I may share my reasons, if they are interested.  But in the moment I am relieved that the mood of the event was not negatively impacted by “Why? Why? But I don’t understand why!” or “Please, can I? Oh, come on. Pleeeeease.”

In general, parties and other events are not places for disagreements.  It is best to save heated discussions or arguments for when you have more privacy.  An argument brings a noticable tension to the whole room.

A few more points about being considerate of others’ feelings:

• Don’t whisper.  Whoever can see you but not hear you will assume you are saying something terrible about them.
• Don’t call people names or point out their faults.
• Find ways to include those who seem left out.

Remember the Golden Rule and treat others the way you would want to be treated.

Many people appreciate compliments but feel a little embarrassed.  Don’t let that stop you, though.  They will take those compliments with them, rerun them in their mind, and enjoy them again and again.

Be honest.  Flattery is excessive or insincere praise.  Don’t try to flatter someone.  They will see through it, and it will actually leave a negative impression. 

Also be short and concise in your compliment.  Going on and on can cause embarrassment or discomfort, and it may be the discomfort that will be remembered.

Many people down play a compliment. 

What a beautiful necklace!

This old thing?  I picked it up at a garage sale for $1.

You can follow up with “Well, it is still beautiful.”  But don’t get into an argument over it.

When you receive a compliment there are only two words you need to say in response…Thank you.

Receive compliments and appreciation with gratitude.

Today we will discuss being aware of what is going on around you. 

The purpose of manners is to help the other person feel acknowledged and respected.  If you are not aware of those around you, you are missing the first step.

When you walk through a door, look behind you to see if anyone else is planning to go through the door.  If so, hold the door open for them.  If you get to the door at the same time, open the door and offer to let the other person walk through first.

If you are looking at an exhibit, make sure you are not stepping in front of anyone else, blocking their view.

If you have many items in your grocery cart and the person behind you only has a few items, offer to let them go ahead of you.

Offer your chair or seat to an older person or any other person who might be fatigued such as a pregnant woman or someone with a cane or crutches.

Offer help or assistance with coats or packages.

All of these are ways to show acknowledgment and respect to those around you.   Can you think of other ways?

• Make up the guest list
• Set the date
• Create invitations
• Send the invitations
• Plan the food
• Plan the activities
• Make the preparations for the party
• Host the party
• Have a great time!

Do what you can to make your guest feel welcome and comfortable.  And have fun together.

If your friend decides that she wants to go home, don’t take it personally.  We are all ready for different experiences at different times.  Just offer to try another sleepover at a later time.

As a host, your job is to make sure everyone is comfortable.  You can’t make everyone have a good time, but you can invite people to join in conversations or activities.  You can make sure everyone has food or drink.  And you can make sure guests are not being left out.

Pay attention to what is going on around you.  Twister may be your most favorite game in the whole wide world, but if your guests look bored, you may want other activities lined up that they would enjoy.

You are not going to please everyone all of the time, but you can gauge how the party is going and change activities if needed.

Also be aware of any allergies that your friends may have and provide food and drink that everyone can enjoy.

Either way, as the recipient of the gift, it is your job to let them know that you appreciate the time, effort, and money they spent in selecting your gift. 

That task is probably pretty easy when you open the great new gizmo that you have been wanting.  But if you open a tea cozy when you don’t even drink tea, focus on the person who gave you the gift and appreciate him or her.  Let each person who gave you a gift feel acknowledged and appreciated.

Once you have received the gift, it is yours to do with as you please.  You can use it, return it, or even give it away to someone else.  But just to be considerate of other people’s feelings, make those decisions in private.

After the party, sending notes of thanks for the gifts you received is always a nice gesture.

When you send an invitation, include the “5 W’s” – who, what, when, where, and why.

• Who is having the party?
• What should your guests bring or wear?
• When is the party?
• Where is the party?
• Why are you celebrating?

Also provide your phone number on the invitation so that guests can let you know you if they are able to come.

Keep a list of all of the people you invited and mark them as able or unable to make it so you know how many guests will be attending.

As you leave, make sure you have cleaned up after yourself.  Anything you used or played with is put away unless the host or hostess asks you to leave it where it is.  Any food or drink is properly disposed of.  And any general mess is taken care of.

Finally, as you leave a party, dinner, or any sort of get-together.  Let the host or hostess know you appreciate all of the effort they put into hosting the event.  When people plan a get-together, they generally put time, thought, and effort into deciding the menu and activities.  Let them know their efforts are appreciated.

Bring all of the items you will need for spending the night, including your pillow, sleeping bag, hairbrush, toothbrush, toothpaste, pajamas, and a change of clothes.

You are entering into another family’s house and way of life.  Respect their house rules, including bedtimes.  Stay with your friend and resist the temptation to look through other people’s stuff.  You have been invited into someone’s home.  Do not violate that trust.

It is okay to let your feelings and preferences be known.  If the family loves scary movies but they give you nightmares, let them know.  It is better to feel a little embarrassment at suggesting another movie than being the only one up at 3 a.m. because you had a nightmare.

If you get the feeling that something is just not right or you feel unsafe, call your parents to pick you up, no matter what time it is.  It is important to trust you feelings.

Above all, have a great time with your friend.