Today we will discuss being aware of what is going on around you. 

The purpose of manners is to help the other person feel acknowledged and respected.  If you are not aware of those around you, you are missing the first step.

When you walk through a door, look behind you to see if anyone else is planning to go through the door.  If so, hold the door open for them.  If you get to the door at the same time, open the door and offer to let the other person walk through first.

If you are looking at an exhibit, make sure you are not stepping in front of anyone else, blocking their view.

If you have many items in your grocery cart and the person behind you only has a few items, offer to let them go ahead of you.

Offer your chair or seat to an older person or any other person who might be fatigued such as a pregnant woman or someone with a cane or crutches.

Offer help or assistance with coats or packages.

All of these are ways to show acknowledgment and respect to those around you.   Can you think of other ways?

• Make up the guest list
• Set the date
• Create invitations
• Send the invitations
• Plan the food
• Plan the activities
• Make the preparations for the party
• Host the party
• Have a great time!

Do what you can to make your guest feel welcome and comfortable.  And have fun together.

If your friend decides that she wants to go home, don’t take it personally.  We are all ready for different experiences at different times.  Just offer to try another sleepover at a later time.

As a host, your job is to make sure everyone is comfortable.  You can’t make everyone have a good time, but you can invite people to join in conversations or activities.  You can make sure everyone has food or drink.  And you can make sure guests are not being left out.

Pay attention to what is going on around you.  Twister may be your most favorite game in the whole wide world, but if your guests look bored, you may want other activities lined up that they would enjoy.

You are not going to please everyone all of the time, but you can gauge how the party is going and change activities if needed.

Also be aware of any allergies that your friends may have and provide food and drink that everyone can enjoy.

Either way, as the recipient of the gift, it is your job to let them know that you appreciate the time, effort, and money they spent in selecting your gift. 

That task is probably pretty easy when you open the great new gizmo that you have been wanting.  But if you open a tea cozy when you don’t even drink tea, focus on the person who gave you the gift and appreciate him or her.  Let each person who gave you a gift feel acknowledged and appreciated.

Once you have received the gift, it is yours to do with as you please.  You can use it, return it, or even give it away to someone else.  But just to be considerate of other people’s feelings, make those decisions in private.

After the party, sending notes of thanks for the gifts you received is always a nice gesture.

When you send an invitation, include the “5 W’s” – who, what, when, where, and why.

• Who is having the party?
• What should your guests bring or wear?
• When is the party?
• Where is the party?
• Why are you celebrating?

Also provide your phone number on the invitation so that guests can let you know you if they are able to come.

Keep a list of all of the people you invited and mark them as able or unable to make it so you know how many guests will be attending.

As you leave, make sure you have cleaned up after yourself.  Anything you used or played with is put away unless the host or hostess asks you to leave it where it is.  Any food or drink is properly disposed of.  And any general mess is taken care of.

Finally, as you leave a party, dinner, or any sort of get-together.  Let the host or hostess know you appreciate all of the effort they put into hosting the event.  When people plan a get-together, they generally put time, thought, and effort into deciding the menu and activities.  Let them know their efforts are appreciated.

Bring all of the items you will need for spending the night, including your pillow, sleeping bag, hairbrush, toothbrush, toothpaste, pajamas, and a change of clothes.

You are entering into another family’s house and way of life.  Respect their house rules, including bedtimes.  Stay with your friend and resist the temptation to look through other people’s stuff.  You have been invited into someone’s home.  Do not violate that trust.

It is okay to let your feelings and preferences be known.  If the family loves scary movies but they give you nightmares, let them know.  It is better to feel a little embarrassment at suggesting another movie than being the only one up at 3 a.m. because you had a nightmare.

If you get the feeling that something is just not right or you feel unsafe, call your parents to pick you up, no matter what time it is.  It is important to trust you feelings.

Above all, have a great time with your friend.

There is usually food at parties.  All of our table manners and dining etiquette apply.

For more informal parties remember not to leave your drinks on wood furniture because it may leave a permanent ring.   Don’t “double dip” by returning a partially eaten cracker or carrot for more dip, exposing the dip to you germs.  Keep food on a plate, rather than walking around with food in your hands.  Take small amounts of food so that everyone has a chance to have some.

You are a guest in someone else’s home.  Clean up after yourself.  Take empty plates or cups to the sink, trash, or recycle bin.  Respect other people’s things by not touching or playing with them without permission.  If you get a game or another type of toy out, put it away before moving on to the next activity.  Push in your chair when you leave the table.  Offer to help the hostess clean up.

If an accident happens and something gets spilled or damaged and you cannot handle it by yourself, let the hostess know immediately and offer to fix the damage, if it is your fault.

Finally, remember to have fun.  Talk to many different people.  Get to know your friend’s friends.  Honor the person throwing the party.  Have a great time.

What kind of gift should you bring? 

If you know the person fairly well, think of what they would enjoy.  It truly is not the expense of the gift that counts, but the thought that was put into it.  If Tommy is into race cars, it would probably mean more to him to receive one of the $2.00 Matchbox cars he is missing than a $50.00 art set.

If you don’t know the person very well, think of a general gift that you would enjoy receiving…gift certificates, movie passes, or a gift set with a few small items.

I like to give and receive gifts that are consumable.  Food, candy, flowers, candles, soap, wine, or coffee are all things that can be used or consumed and don’t add clutter to the house.  Granted, you are not going to give a child candles, wine or coffee, and they probably wouldn’t enjoy soap and flowers as much as an adult would, but food and candy are enjoyed by almost everyone.

But while you may put time and thought and money into buying a gift, when you give the gift, give it freely and completely…with no strings attached. 

Hopefully you had a good time picking out and wrapping the gift, thinking about your friend and doing your best to pick out something he will enjoy.  You may even have wonderful pictures in your mind of your friend playing with your gift.  But once the gift is given, it is his.  He is free to enjoy it however he chooses.  You have no control over that.  He can play with it, return it to the store for credit, give it to his friend Ian, or run over it with a bulldozer.

 The nice part about giving gifts freely is that you can also receive gifts freely and enjoy your gifts however you would like.

All such get-togethers start with an invitation.  Invitation can be given in person, over the phone, through a letter in the mail, in an email, or even other ways.

The invitation should give you the “who, what, when, where and why’s” of the party.

• Who is having the party?
• What should I bring or wear?
• When is the party?
• Where is the party?
• Why are celebrating?

Once you receive an invitation, check your calendar right away and give a response as to whether or not you are able to attend.  The host or hostess needs to know how many people are coming so that he or she can prepare.  If any of the above information is missing in the invitation, you can ask when you let them know you are coming.

Many invitations have R.S.V.P. on them.  This stands for the French phrase “Répondez s’il vous plaît” which means “please respond.”  The word for word translation is “respond if you please.”  But with an R.S.V.P, let the host or hostess know if you are able to be there or not.
 
Some invitations say “Regrets Only.”  In this case, they are assuming you are coming unless you tell them you cannot make it.

If you are sending an email to a close friend, using abbreviations and not following all of the punctuation and grammar rules is ok.  If you are typing an email that you want to be taken seriously, though, use proper grammar, punctuation, spelling, and professional language.

Type in ALL CAPITALS is considered shouting.

If you are responding to an email, make sure it is clear to the recipient what you are responding to.  It is confusing to get an email that just says, “Yes.”  You may have sent out 16 emails that day and would have to go back to find out the original question.

Don’t forward jokes or chain letters to everyone on your list.  If you decide to forward something you felt was especially funny or touching, only send it to those you know would appreciate it.

Don’t give out someone else’s email address without their permission.

It is very easy for emails to be copied, forwarded, or otherwise sent all over the internet, by accident or on purpose.  Don’t write anything in an email that you would not want your parents reading.