Inner qualities are important because they are what you really are…on the inside.

You can pretend to be many things on the outside, but your inner qualities are what you truly believe yourself to be.  And the funny thing is that eventually, your inner qualities will always come out.  Your inner qualities are always reflected in your outer appearance.

Have you ever met someone who seemed to be confident, but something didn’t seem quite right.  They seemed “too confident,” too loud, too active, called too much attention to themselves.  They may just be trying to project a self-confidence that they just don’t have.  When you have confidence, you are very comfortable in a situation and don’t seem to be “too much” of anything.  But because they didn’t really feel it on the inside, they didn’t really project it on the outside.

But that doesn’t mean that someone can’t become confident.

In the Harry Potter series, when the students first arrive at the Hogwarts School, they are placed in different houses based on their inner qualities.  They do this by using a Sorting Hat.  This talking hat is placed on the new student’s head.  It analyzes the student’s inner qualities and assigns the student to a house based on qualities such as loyalty, courage, or ambition.

This system assumes that each person has inner qualities that are fixed.  But that is just not the case.   Over time, people change.

If you want to appear more confident, courageous, or compassionate, work on changing your inner thoughts and beliefs and the outer will take care of itself.

One definition of communication is: 

The exchange of thoughts, messages, or information, as by speech, signals, writing, or behavior.           (from the Free Dictionary by Farlex)

But for communication to truly be exchanged, it needs to be effective.  Is the message really getting through?  Are people really understanding each other?

Many times we hear the words but are not truly listening.  We may also be saying the words but do not feel that the other person truly understands what we are saying. 

Both sides must be active for there to be effective communication.

In this section we will approach this topic from the inside out and from both the giving and receiving sides.

We will discuss what people want and need.  We will also discuss what people don’t want and don’t need.

The purpose of this section is for us to really be able to connect and communicate with each other, to be heard and understood and to hear and understand.

Good sportsmanship is about playing by the rules (even if you are losing), respecting the other team and the officials, and being gracious whether you win or lose.

Good sportsmanship when you lose:

It doesn’t feel good to lose.  It can be disappointing and maybe even embarrassing.  But try to keep the game in perspective.  The ultimate purpose of games and sports is to have fun.  There will be winners and losers, but at the end of the day, everyone will go back to life a usual. 

Good sportsmanship when you win:

It is easy to be happy when you win.  But take into consideration the loser’s feelings.  While on the inside you may be jumping up and down and doing a victory dance, let the loser feel respected by not flaunting your win.  Ultimately, relationships are more important than wins or losses.

As a parent, I can tell you that there are many times I have had to say, “No” to my children but did not feel it appropriate to explain the reason why at the moment.  My reason may have hurt a hostesses feelings or may have been an inappropriate subject to talk about in public.

What I truly appreciate in that moment is when my children accept my “No” and move on.  Later, I may share my reasons, if they are interested.  But in the moment I am relieved that the mood of the event was not negatively impacted by “Why? Why? But I don’t understand why!” or “Please, can I? Oh, come on. Pleeeeease.”

In general, parties and other events are not places for disagreements.  It is best to save heated discussions or arguments for when you have more privacy.  An argument brings a noticable tension to the whole room.

A few more points about being considerate of others’ feelings:

• Don’t whisper.  Whoever can see you but not hear you will assume you are saying something terrible about them.
• Don’t call people names or point out their faults.
• Find ways to include those who seem left out.

Remember the Golden Rule and treat others the way you would want to be treated.

As part of this system, you can include:

• A form to take a message that includes:
  • The person’s first and last name
  • The day and time
  • Who they wanted to speak to
  • Their phone number
  • A specific message
  • The best time to call back if they want their call returned
• A place the forms can be kept along with pencils or pens
• An agreed upon place to leave phone messages

Because it is so anonymous and phone numbers can be blocked, there are many scams that are done using the phone. They may tell you that they are from your credit card company or from your bank. How do you know for sure? Your bank and credit card company already have your information and do not need you to verify it over the phone. If someone has called you, never give out the following information.

• Credit card or debit card number
• Bank account number
• Social security number
• Any PINs (Personal Identification Number) you may have
• Your address
• Information on who is or is not at home
• Information on when you will or will not be at home

If you are concerned that there may be a legitimate problem with a credit card, for example, hang up and call the customer service number on the back of your credit card. That way you know you are really talking with the credit card company.

Unless you know someone is waiting for your call or you know it is okay to call, make your calls between 9 A.M. and 9 P.M.

Your attitude can be detected in your voice, so check that you have a good attitude before you make your phone call.

When you make your call, allow it to ring several times – up to 7 – before you hang up.

When someone answers, identify yourself and make polite conversation with the person who answered the phone. “Hello. This is Sue Brown. How are you today, Mrs. White?”  After Mrs. White answers, you ask, ”May I please speak to Mary?”

If you get an answering machine or voice mail, leave

• Your name
• The name of the person you are trying to reach
• Your phone number
• Any specific message
• A good time for them to call you back

If you misdial and get a wrong number, apologize to the person who answers the phone for the inconvenience.

Answer the phone by saying either…
“Hello” or “Hello, Johnson residence,” substituting your family name for Johnson, obviously.

If it is family or a friend of the family who is calling, exchange pleasantries by asking them how they are doing or ask something about what they have been up to.

If the call is for someone else and you are not sure who it is, ask “May I tell her who is calling?” After they reply say, “Thank you.  Just a moment, please.” 

If it is a corded phone, set the phone down and find the person the phone call is for.  Don’t yell for them.  If it is a cordless phone, take the phone with you while you find the person.

If the person is busy and cannot talk, say, “I’m sorry. Mary cannot talk right now.  May I take a message?”

Do not let a caller know you are home alone.  Let them know that your parents cannot talk right now (it’s the truth) and offer to take a message.  “I’m sorry.  Mom cannot talk right now.  May I take a message?” would work just fine.

If you need to take a message for someone who is busy or not at home, include the following information:

• The caller’s first and last name
• The day and time
• Who they wanted to speak to
• Their phone number
• A specific message
• The best time to call back if they want their call returned

Leave the message in an agreed upon place so they are sure to get it.