Remember that is impolite to point out the bad manners of another.  But maybe you can come up with a way to discreet way of letting each other know when something needs to be corrected or when you are all doing a great job!

We have talked about fast food and mid-price restaurants, but you may find yourself in a fancy, upscale, or high-end restaurant.

When people go to a high-end restaurant, they are looking for something different than when eating at a fast food or mid-price restaurant.  They are looking for dinner to be an experience and an event in itself.  They want to enjoy the many different courses of food, the atmosphere, and the people they are with. 

Dressed up in your finest clothes, you can enjoy the food, the atmosphere, and the company, too.

If you are invited to dine out at a restaurant as a guest, follow the other person’s lead in ordering.  If he orders an appetizer, entrée, and dessert, then you may do the same.  If he only orders an entrée, only order an entrée.  Also, be considerate and try not to order the most expensive item on the menu.

If you receive food that is not done the way you ordered or is unacceptable, let the waiter know and let him know what you would like.

If you are paying the check, look over the check for accuracy.  In some cases gratuity (the tip or a surcharge) is included in the check.  If gratuity is not included, the customary amount to leave is anywhere from 15% to 20% of the check depending on the level of service you believe you received.  Very poor service can be even lower.

You will usually pick up your plate where the food is laid out.

Patiently wait your turn and avoid cutting in line.

Use the utensils provided to put the food on your plate.  Do not use your hands.

If one food accidentally drops into another, use the utensils to put it back.

Only take as much food as you are going to eat. 

Do not eat while in line.  Wait until you are back at your table.

If you feel you may sneeze or cough while in line, excuse yourself from the line so that you do not sneeze or cough in the food.

If it is a pot luck dinner, make sure everyone has been through the line before you go back for seconds.

Along with remembering that you are in a public place, here are a few points to keep your dining experience pleasurable for the whole family.

If you must wait, the hostess will take your name, give you a number, or give you a signaling device.  Listen for your name or number to be called or your signaling device to go off to let you know your table is ready.  Go to the hostess stand quickly.

Once you are seated, set out your silverware as you would at home and put your napkin in your lap.

Keep personal items off of the table.  Put purses behind you on the seat or just under the table where others won’t trip on them.

Look over the menu and decide what you will order.  Be ready when the waiter or waitress comes by to take your order.  Once you have ordered, you will have time for more in-depth conversations.

If rolls or bread is offered, take the first one you touch and put it on your bread plate (yours is on your left).  If a plate isn’t provided, put it on your dinner plate.

Don’t put any of your food on the table.

Don’t play with the sugar packets, salt and pepper shakers, etc.

Keep empty cracker, butter, and straw wrappers in one place, preferably under the lip of your dinner plate.

Thank those who have been serving you.  If the service has been exceptional, let them know that, too.

First, let’s visit the fast food restaurant.  In a fast food restaurant, you typically order your meal at the counter and wait for your food to be prepared and put on a tray.  You then take your tray to a table, eat your meal, and then throw away the food wrappers.

Even during this process, there are manners that can show courtesy to those around you.

If necessary, use the restroom or wash your hands before you order.  This way you are not leaving your meal either at the counter or at a table that others may need.

Know what you plan to order before you reach the head of the line.  Place your order and pay quickly.  This is not the time to chit-chat with the cashier.  This is especially true if there are others waiting behind you.

If you are given a number, listen for your number to be called.

Only take the number of napkins, ketchup packets, spoons, straws, etc. that you will need.  Taking any more is wasteful.

Once you get your meal to your table, lay out your meal on either a wrapper or on a napkin.  This is for hygiene reasons.  The tables, seats, and floors of fast food restaurants are generally not very clean.

If you accidentally spill something, clean it up.  If it is a really big mess, ask an employee for assistance.

Remember that you are in a public place.  Use “inside voices” and avoid any behavior that would disturb other patrons.

When you are finished with the meal, collect your trash and throw it away.

One final word on manners at the table:

Don’t point out someone else’s bad manners.  It is just bad manners.

Now it is your turn.  But I would like to add a little twist.

Have an extremely rude dinner party.  See how many rules you can break.  Keep track and see if you can break them all.  Have a great time.

Remove yourself from the table if you need to

• Remove an orthodontic appliance
• Remove something from your teeth
• Blow your nose

When you leave the table, say “Excuse me” and put your napkin on your chair, not on the table.

With a belch, cough, or sneeze, turn you head to the side, cover your mouth or nose with your napkin if you don’t have a tissue, and make as little noise as possible.  Quietly say “Excuse me” and move on.  Little cousin Joey may think that big belch is hysterical, but Great Aunt Mimi will not be amused and neither will you parents.

If you accidentally spill something on the table, apologize and offer to help clean it up.

If you accidentally spill something on someone else, apologize and offer to pay for the cleaning, but don’t touch them or their clothes.

If you need to wipe your own face, use a corner of your napkin and fold it over when you put it back on your lap so the soiled part will not get your clothes dirty and is also not on display for everyone to see.

If something is too hot, don’t spit it out.  Take a sip of water to cool it off.

Chew with your mouth closed.  No one wants to see your chewed-up squash casserole.

Talk once you have swallowed.  The not wanting to see the chewed-up squash casserole is especially true here because people are supposed to look at you when you are talking.

Take small bites.  Watching someone stuff his face is a little gross.  It may be funny for the five year olds, but the adults are not impressed.

Keep your tongue inside your mouth when you take a bite.  No one wants to see your tongue.

Chew quietly. Enough said.

Don’t chew ice.  Your dentist would agree with me on this one.  Not only is it annoyingly loud, it is not good for your teeth.

There are some foods that squirt.  Lemon is one example.  If you are squeezing lemon into a drink or onto food, cup your hand around it as you squeeze so it doesn’t wind up in someone’s eye.  This one doesn’t really have anything to do with chewing, but it is a good point.

Don’t spit anything out.  If you need to remove a pit, bone, or piece of gristle from your mouth, take it out with your fingertips or the tip of your fork and put it on the side of your plate.

Try to finish about the same time that everyone else does.  Don’t rush or dawdle.

Don’t hold your forks or spoons like a shovel.  Hold them more the way you would hold a pencil.

If it is difficult to get the food on your fork, you can use the tip of your knife, a small piece of bread, or move it against another part of the meal to get the food on your fork.  Don’t use your fingers.

If you are right handed, change your fork to your left hand and put the knife in your right hand to cut your food with a sawing motion.  Keep your elbow close to you as you are cutting so you don’t grow wings.  If the food is a little tough, make the pieces even smaller.

Don’t gesture with food in your hands or on your silverware.  A pea in the eye is not a pleasant experience.

Silverware should never touch the table once you have picked them up.  Put them on a plate when you are not using them.

When you are finished with you meal, place the fork and knife in the center of you plate to signal that you are finished.

At many formal dinner parties, the food is served in bowls and on platters that are passed around by the guests.

I bet you figured out there are guidelines for passing the food, too.

Unless the hostess indicates otherwise, pass the food to your right in a counterclockwise fashion. Serve yourself with the utensils that are with the food you are passing, not your own silverware. 

Only take what you intend to eat, leaving plenty for others.  Once everyone has been served and you have eaten what is on your plate, you may ask for the plate to be passed again.  Even when getting seconds, make sure you leave some for others.

Unless you have an allergy to a particular food, try some of everything.  And “I don’t like it” is not an allergy.

If you are not sure what something is, just take a little bit to try.  You can ask for a second helping later.  Many consider it rude to ask, “What’s this?” The person planning the meal took the time and effort to plan a meal she thought her guests would enjoy.  Try it all and you may find a new favorite food.

Once you have touched it, it is yours.  Don’t rummage through the rolls looking for the best one.  Take the first one you touch.

Put a small amount of butter on your plate and use the butter on your plate to butter your roll.  Don’t butter your roll directly from the butter dish.

If someone has asked you to pass a dish and you have decided that you would like some too, pass the dish first and then ask for it to come back to you.

Hold your glass by the rim.  This is especially true if you are passing the glass to someone else.  If you want to try this out, put some chalk on your fingers; touch the rim of the glass as you pass it to someone.  Then see if they really want to drink out of it. I don’t think so.

If you get confused, watch those around you.  Especially watch the hostess, because she sets the tone for the meal.

Now that we have food on our plates it is time to start eating.  Right?

The answer is “maybe.”  Wait for the hostess to tell you to begin eating or wait for her to begin eating herself.  Then it is finally time to eat!

Set up a formal place setting using the plates, cups, glasses, and silverware you already have in your kitchen.  Do you already have all of the pieces available?  I must admit that we don’t have any fish forks, so we just used another salad fork in its place.

Once you have the place setting, design a menu that would use everything in the place setting.  How many courses would you have?  What would you serve?

If you want to take it one step further, pick an evening and have a formal dinner at your home.  How formal would you make it?

Throughout the course of the meal, sit up straight. Don’t lean on the table with any part of your body. Keep your elbows off the table, too.

Don’t rock or tip your chair. It may be fun, and you may feel that you are in control. But it can make others around you nervous and uncomfortable.

Keep your legs pretty much together and your feet flat on the floor under your chair. If you sprawl with your legs pointed in different directions, you are probably taking up someone else’s space. If you swing your feet or stretch out your legs, there is a high likelihood that you will kick someone.

Remember that dinner is supposed to be an enjoyable event but not necessarily a rockin’ good time. Use inside voices and keep the conversation pleasant. Leave that exciting story of your bike crash where they had to pick stones out of your wounds and stitch them up with 47 stitches for another time.