You can find this common ground in many different ways.  You may have some of the same physical characteristics which can form the basis of getting to know each other better.  You may have common interests.  These are natural ways of building rapport.

If you don’t have this natural rapport, you can use the synchronization technique until you do find those common interests and can build a more natural rapport.

Also be aware of the attitude you are projecting when you are establishing rapport.  It is very difficult to hide your attitude.

For the next few days, look for people having conversations.  Restaurants are great places to do this. See if you can tell if the people having the conversation are synchronized or not.  Do they seem to enjoy each others’ company?  How can you tell?

It is amazing how much you can tell about people just by noticing their body language!

Do you want to be around someone who is angry or rude?  Would you pick this person as your best friend?

What kind of attitude would you look for in a new friend?

List as many as you can.

Here are some we came up with:

cheerful
confident
enthusiastic
enjoyable
excited
friendly
grateful
happy
helpful
interested
joyful
loving
optimistic
warm
welcoming

Did you come up with any more?

What kind of attitude would you stay away from?

List them.

Here are the ones we came up with:

agitated
angry
annoyed
blah
bored
cool
frustrated
impatient
irritated
mean
miserable
mocking
pessimistic
rude
sarcastic

If you expect to make friends or even meet someone and make a favorable impression, choose an attitude from your first “new friend” list and you can’t go wrong.

Synchronization is a little like copying.  But it is subtle and often happens automatically.  You may have seen synchronization when two friends are talking.

Peaches and her friend Persimmon were talking at the kitchen table.  They were both very engrossed in their conversation about 18th century French literature.  Both of them were leaning forward in their seats with their arms folded on the table.  Peaches brushed her hair back from her face.  A few moments later, Persimmon brushed the hair from her face.

Persimmon made a particularly interesting point about Rousseau and sat back in her chair and crossed her legs.  A few moments later, Peaches sat back in her chair and crossed her legs.

Peaches and Persimmon are synchronized.  Their energies are matching each other in their conversation and their movements and actions are automatically matching also.

Have you ever found yourself copying someone without thinking about it or found someone copying you?  It is not really that you were copying him or her, you were just synchronized.

Having the same motions, stance, and tone of voice is another way the people feel alike.

If you are having trouble having a natural rapport with someone, you can try synchronizing their motions or tone of voice without being too obvious about it.  Even breathing at the same pace can help with synchronization.

You are not trying to be someone else; you are just trying to use synchronization to build a good rapport, get “in sync” with the other person, and get the relationship off to a good start.

Remember: People like people who are like themselves.

Natural rapport is when someone recognizes you as someone who is like them.

Physical characteristics are an obvious way that you can be like someone else. Maybe you have the same skin, hair, or eye color. Maybe you are both girls about the same age. Maybe you are wearing the same purple pants with pink polka dots.

But, there are many ways people are alike.

People can enjoy the same books, music, or games. They may have the same belief system through a church or other organization. They may live in the same neighborhood. They may have the same hobbies, such as knitting, model building, or speaking Swahili.

In what ways are you like your friends?

Really, people are all the same. We all are sad when we are hurt and happy when we are loved. But it is easier to build rapport when you find something specific in common.

What are some of the things you enjoy that you would like to share with a friend?

To establish rapport means that you are establishing a relationship.
It could be a relationship that lasts a lifetime or one that lasts until you leave the park.

Either way, knowing how to build rapport is a useful skill in making friends.

When you establish rapport, the other person says, “There is something I like about you…”

Sometimes they may not even know what it is. There is just something about you.

There are many ways to establish rapport. You may just naturally like each other and establishing rapport is easy. But there are also things you can do if the rapport isn’t there naturally.

Many studies have shown that people gravitate toward people they think that they have something in common with. In a roomful of strangers, people will choose to meet those who may be of the same age, gender, ethnicity, or skin color first.

People like people who are like themselves.

Like it or not, fair or not. People are more comfortable with things that they know. Most people know themselves pretty well, so when they are looking for a friend or someone to talk to, they naturally look for someone like themselves.

This does not mean that you pretend to be something you are not.
In any relationship, honesty is a primary and key component. Be yourself. While not everyone will become your best friend, you can be on friendly terms with many, many people.