When you do make a request of someone else, tell them what you do want, not what you don’t want.  This is called using positive language instead of negative language.

Instead of “I don’t want pizza,” say “I want a burrito.” 

Instead of “I don’t want you to brush my hair,” say “I want to brush my hair myself.”

Instead of “I don’t want to clean my room now,” say “I want to clean my room after lunch.”

“Don’t” is a word that has a negative aspect to it. Like judgments and criticism, it starts to put up defensive mechanisms and will get a more defensive response.

To sum up making a request:

• Know what it is you want.
• Put yourself in the other person’s shoes and see what they want.
• Let them know your feelings and needs.
• Use positive language and leave out judgments or criticism.